Days 201-205

Well, firstly I have to say, what an amazing funeral service for Jean... such a testimony to the life she lived, and the lives she touched. Such a graceful, humble woman... I am so proud to have called her my mother in law... !! She had chosen such amazing songs as well- really upbeat, happy songs, and so, in so much as it was a time to mourn her, it was also a time to celebrate... she is FREE, and dancing with the angels!

My little Miks has really been up and down lately. She really does go from being blissfully happy, to being really really unhappy- practically inconsolable, and for no apparent reason. Saturday was a baker of a day, and she was only in her nappy the whole day... and I just let her sleep in her carry cot in the lounge where it was nice and cool. In the afternoon, I was sitting in the lounge with Tes keeping cool, and chatting, with Miks on a pillow next to me. She was just lying there watching me, and every now and again, she'd give me an enormous grin. I was gently rubbing her feet, and it obviously hit a ticklish spot, and she gave her little "grimmis" (spelling?) laugh... kind of a "a-huh" sound, which sounds like she wants to laugh, but is not too sure. I am desperate to catch it on camera, cos it's too cute, but she doesn't do it often, and invariably stops before I can catch it on camera... it will just have to sit in my memory bank. Anyway, then Saturday night she was quite unhappy, although slept relatively well. Sunday day she was angelic... and then we hit Sunday afternoon, and all the wheels fell off.

She was so unhappy on Sunday night, during the night. She is badly constipated again, and is battling to eat. She is really sleepy, but when she's awake just cries and cries. I feel so desperate for her, and so helpless a lot of the time. Today she was even worse, but it's now noticeable that she is actually getting sick... snotty nose, and actually coughed up a bit of phlegm this afternoon, which really took me by surprise! This morning, after spending almost two solid hours crying, we gave her some Calpol to calm her; and then she promptly slept pretty much the whole day (and no, it was actually a normal dose of Calpol, incase you were thinking otherwise)... so basically she fed at 9am, and then only again after 3pm! For a baby who normally feeds every 3-4 hours, a 6 hour break is quite a big thing! Plus, she basically slept from around 11:30 til 3... which again, is quite a thing for her during the day. Anyway, she is obviously feeling grotty, which we're giving her something for, and perhaps just needs to rest to recover (don't we all when we're sick?)

This morning, I went to the hospital to fetch her birth certificate (finally!)... and when I arrived at the maternity ward, one of the LOVELY nurses that was on duty when Mikayla was born, started asking about her, and how she was doing. She then asked if I had any pictures of Mikayla, which I of course said yes to (ahem, I have an entire iPhone practically dedicated to her), so I showed her the video below, and next thing I had all the nurses around oohing and aahing..... I actually got quite emotional... so proud of my little girl :-)



Unfortunately that cute little spitting/ chatty thing she does she doesn't seem to really do anymore. And I so loved it... I miss hearing her chat like that.

It's a funny thing, but even though it sometimes really hard what she's going through, and what we're going through... I know that I will miss her in my life when shes gone (and I don't know when that will be... no-one does!)... how could I not? She's my daughter! I love her! She's a precious little angel! Just wish I could do more for her... make her better! Anything!

But it's all in God's very capable hands! I try not to linger on the thought too much... because when I do, I crack... and while it's ok to do it from time to time, I also have to just take things for what they are... dwelling on it certainly won't make things better!