Day 61

Remember that you are no more or less special than the next person; and your ability to soar in the face of adversity is not based on anything other than your willingness to try, and the wonderful knowledge that the human spirit is so much greater than you think; and of course that God gives you the courage and the strength to deal with things as and when you need it. I think all too often we underestimate ourselves, and those around us. We box others, and worse still we box ourselves. Why? Is it fear? Is it low self esteem?

You have wings! You were made to soar!

"but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." - Isaiah 40:31

You have unimaginable strength.... because it comes from your almighty Father. Creator of the universe!

"It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect" Psalm 18:32

Me? I am searching for feeling again. My worry is that as we have lived this journey with Mikayla; I have hardened somewhat. Have I become like stone? My heart breaks for Mikayla, and yet no tears come. But maybe by living in the now, I am learning to cope with my grief, because as she is now... well, she is alive. She is already a medical miracle in some ways. She has surpassed all our expectations already. That I shoudl celebrate.

Probably the hardest thing is that she isn't progressing beyond being a newborn baby.... so things like sleeping through look like they won't ever be a possibility with Miks, because she doesn't eat enough food to extend her feeds that far apart. I confess, it's exhausting! I know, in the face of everything, it's a fairly minor issue... but it's an issue nonetheless!

Miks again wanted to be held today. Perhaps she is just learning that it's quite nice to be held, and that if she moans enough someone will carry her around. There are times it's special... and other times it's simply frustrating (like when I am trying to cook supper!). She's eating well though.

But I know Miks. And I know her little sounds. Her funny facial expressions. How she loves her bath, but hates being dressed. The funny sound she makes when she sneezes (like a little yell, actually... it's really cute). I know the way her skin feels against mine, the way she smells. I love the shape of her nose- the pertness of it... her cherry lips. She's my little girl. My daughter. And for that, even with all the sadness that sometimes consumes me... I am still grateful in the small things.

Today is a gift, That is why they call it the present

Many people will walk in and out of your life,
but only true friends leave footprints in your heart.
To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart.
Anger is only one letter short of danger.
If someone betrays you once, it is his fault;
if he betrays you twice, it is your fault.
Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events;
small minds discuss people. He who loses money, loses much;
he who loses a friend, loses much more; he who loses faith, loses all.
Beautiful young people are accidents of nature,
but beautiful old people are works of art.
Learn from the mistakes of others.
You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.
Friends, you and me. . . you brought another friend. . .
and then there were three. . .
we started our group. . .
our circle of friends. . .
and like that circle. . .
there is no beginning or end. . .
yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is a mystery.
Today is a gift.
That is why they call it the present.

- Eleanor Roosevelt