Day 5

Mikayla is doing so well. She is taking feeds up to 40ml now out the bottle! I am so very proud of her. She has had a bit of a gammy eye- nothing serious... little babies often have their tear ducts getting a little gumped up... so they just gave her an antibiotic, and by the afternoon it was already looking better.

Still no tubes or pipes or anything, and in fact, they don't even have her attached to any monitors at all. She is only on an apnea mat, although she hasn't really had any apneas since the first lot on Sunday night.

I, on the other hand am not doing so well. I am on these awful pills to stop my breast milk, the side effects of which include a drop in blood pressure, nausea, dizziness etc. I had most of the side effects all in one morning- and it was promptly decided after having a brief visit with Miks this morning that I should go home and rest it out.

While I had a snooze at home, Russ went back to the hospital to spend some more time with Miks, and Dyl & Mark joined Russ to anoint Miks with oil, and pray over her- which I am told was quite a mammoth session :)

We went back this afternoon to the hospital to feed Miks, when I also had my C-section dressing changed, and all my vitals checked. Really, it's self inflicted on my part- I don't take any of my meds- so when I am in pain, I really have no-one to blame but myself. And boy was I in pain today. When I was changing Miks, she decided to let it all come out... really, she made me look very bad... there was poo everywhere!! :)

I spent some time on the internet today researching Trisomy 18. And, while it it still sad beyond words, I realise that others have coped before me- so we will get through this. I don't know how, but we will.

We are hoping that the genetic probe results will come back tomorrow afternoon. And then, more than anything, we just want to bring Mikayla home where she belongs. There will be decisions we will have to make, and things we need to know once we know the outcome of the results- but we'll address these as and when they happen. But the paed's desire is to send her home with us- she just wants to be sure that they know what is wrong with Miks before she comes home with us, so that we have the finer details of "what to do" etc.

The thing I have learnt the most over the last couple of days, is just what an amazing man I married. Russ has been an absolute pillar of strength. While I have crumbled at the seams, he has kept his feet on solid ground, always hoping, and always caring and always loving. I wonder how it is that I got to be so lucky that I would have a man like this in my life.... and I know, without a doubt, that we'll carry each other through this not matter what tomorrow holds. Mikayla is a lucky girl to have such an amazing father- and to watch him with her, brings me so much joy, because I know that his desire is to protect her, and keep her, and love her- the qualities of a great father, especially for a little girl..... but it is a bittersweet happiness.... because I long for him to experience the lifelong, very special bond of a father and daughter. He so deserves it.... and it was always my desire to give him that!

But I am sure this must be taking a toll on him too. And yet he keeps pushing forward. I really did land myself a gem when I married Russell.... but God obviously knew I needed someone like Russ- because I know I am able to cling to him through this difficult time.


And Mikayla? She is still fighting! And we're rooting for her!! Our precious baby girl.