Day 37

Look at those lips!!

We had a chilled out day at home today. A Sunday sleep-in. It was great. We had visitors- which was lovely... and of course the boys had a blast with their friends.

Miks has been pretty much like she was last night... fighting her sleep. And still snack eating. But otherwise good. I weighed her tonight. She is up to 2.9kg! Yay for Mikayla! I am rooting for the 3kg mark... Go Miks Go! I am pretty convinced that a substantial amount of her weight is being put on her cheeks. Mind you, it just makes them more and more kissable.

It's funny, cos there are still days when this all still feels so surreal. And it takes almost everything in me not to live in the future. You know... waiting for tomorrow to happen. Waiting for my closure. I know, like I know, like I know, that I need to enjoy Mikayla here and now. But it's really difficult when the only one certainty is that her survival isn't good. How good obviously depends on two things: firstly, on circumstance. We just don't know what will happen to Mikayla in the days, weeks, months or years that lie ahead... and if or what will effect her in a big or bad enough way that it could make her tap on deaths door. And then secondly possibly the level of intervention we take. The second largely depends on the first, which needs no discussion on my blog. Sorry. Some things are too personal to speak about in this forum :-)

The thing I desire most at the moment? To see my sweet little girl smile. Oh my goodness, she would have the most beautiful smile!! For now, only in my dreams....

Checking me out

Oh, and please forgive me for plagiary et al... but the following was to sweet not to share (thanks to my dear friend for sending it to me):

"Wee little baby, fresh from Gods arms
You light up the world with your sweet baby charms
May God ever bless you with love and with grace
And may joy always shine on your dear little face"

Mikayla, my darling, my prayer is that I would always honour you. That I would honour you now while you are with us. That I would honour God, by caring and loving His beautiful (and my beautiful) little child. You truly are a treasure. And while there is so much I will miss with you- SO MUCH we will NEVER experience together, so many firsts that I will not not see with you; I know that I am better for having known you. You have changed me somehow. I discover this in small doses daily. You have changed US.

But there are days when this is so unbelievably hard. It's a strange thing to have this mixed emotion of feeling honoured that we were chosen to be your parents, and yet feeling picked on for the cruelty of it. There is no question that your being healed and healthy would have been my first choice. But these are things we simply cannot change.

The Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3, 5-6

I had to add this as well:

For every ailment under the sun
There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it;
If there be none, never mind it. - WW Bartley

I guess it's all just a matter of perspective!?