Day 38

Mikayla has been a superstar today! No doubt making up for the fact that she gave me such a hard time last night.... keeping me up for two hours for the first feed... and just my luck on a night when I had to do both shifts, as Russ was away! Thankfully back today! *phew*. Anyway, so she has been eating like a star- nearly finishing all her bottles... that's 75ml per feed! And even going to sleep with minimal fussing. You're showing me up, Miks! It's great! Keep doing that!

Miks having her post-bath-massage

After her bath tonight, I gave her a massage, which she actually really enjoyed. Think I am going to do it more often. She is so alert after her bath... I know I've said it before...but I mention it again, because it's also my favourite time with her. I love to just watch her as she looks around, like she is absorbing every detail she sees. And then something seems to catch her eye, and her eyes go really wide like she is quite horrified... its very cute!

I also love her around feed times, cos she makes the cutest gurgling sounds. And they are quite specific. She has the "I'm irritated" gurgle, the "I'm content and might even fall asleep" gurgle, which I call her "purr"; and then there's the "I'm tired now"..er... which is less of a gurgle and more of a groan and wriggle-squiggle. Ok... none of that made sense. But I'm her mum: I get it!

The funny thing is after last night's blog, would you believe it... I dreamt Miks smiled at me. And not once... but TWICE! And you know... it's just as I predicted... completely dazzling and beautiful. You'll just have to take my word for it. But it has supermodel written all over it. Move over Cindy Crawford!

Now, don't fall over, but last night I read Lamentations. Really, I was expecting something alot more depressing. I ploughed through the whole book... and you know... it's not so bad. Look, Jeremiah is a miserable thing. But that's why they call him the "weeping prophet". But you know what- even the moaners have important things to say sometimes, if you'll listen. I liked this:

"The thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the LORD never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, "the Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in Him!"- Lamentations 3:19-24

Why Lamentations you ask? Well, I think I was psyching myself up to read Job. You know, when I got saved, Job was the first book I read. Can you believe it?!?! The funny part being that when I came to report back to my Alpha group about reading Job... I referred to it as "job" (as in the thing you do for work)... and not "jobe"... I mean, let's be honest... whats with the spelling... it's terribly confusing for newbies!! But I know better now. Anyway, been thinking for a while now of reading it. Let's be honest, if Job can endure and survive what he did... I reckon there's a lot to be said for that.

So I did some more looking around the net, and getting in touch with other T18 mums. I have to say, it actually left me quite deflated. It can introduce more questions that answers!

But if you get a chance, go check this link out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=th6Njr-qkq0

Very sad :-( Infact, I feel sad. Sad for all the families who have had to say goodbye, sad for the families who had to struggle, sad for the precious little girls and boys who put up such a brave fight.

You quickly learn the things that are important and those that are not. When Luke was a baby, being my first child... well, I was his walking dummy. That child could eat (suckle, lets be honest), until the cows came home. So when Josh came along he was a 7-minute-a-side boy. And I have always been quite verbal that no child of mine will ever be long feeders again, having had the eternal feeder with Luke. The thought of endlessly feeding like that again, horrified me.... And then Mikayla came along. Well, her feeds take up to an hour, sometimes more. And you know... I love every second of it (ok, not at 1am in the morning.... but come on! I can be forgiven for that!). Suddenly the fact that I am not breast feeding isn't such a big deal. The fact that Mikayla can feed on her own is so exciting, I don't care that she can't breast feed! She's the bomb! As they say, "don't sweat the small stuff".

And perhaps I should be celebrating Mikayla more. I cannot emphasise enough: every little milestone that Miks achieves she does in spite of me, not because of me. I am inspired at her strong will, at her courage and her determination. And boy does she have attitude. Don't go thinking you'll get anything by this little mite. She's no fool :-)

Miks, here are the reasons you are a miracle:

1. You made it to full term
2. You survived being born via c-section
3. You came off your oxygen in less than 48 hours
4. You took a bottle in less than 48 hours, and continue to drink from the bottle
5. You made it past 30 days
6. You have no MAJOR defects to speak of
7. You are alive

You are my miracle child. We don't know what tomorrow holds, but Jesus knows why you're here. My only job is to love you. And that I will do with the greatest of honour!