Day 44

Sleeping beauty

Miks still isn't eating well. And it's not from lack of trying on our part. She just feeds about 30-40ml, and then flat bang refuses anymore... even if I give her a break, and ensure the bottle is warm. I must confess, it worries me. It's a strange thing, you know, when you've been told your child is going to die, according to the laws of medicine, you start looking for those things that will ultimately take her life. It's a terrible thing, and I have to consciously stop myself from reading too much into every tiny thing... thinking "is this it?". It's quite creepy, actually. Unnatural.

But Miks, at your 5pm feed, you ate really well, and after your bath you had the most wonderful wakeful good few minutes. I was holding you, and you were looking at me. You seemed to be scanning every detail of my face, and tracing the outline of my head with your eyes, like you were taking in every detail. I obviously can't say if that was infact what you were doing. But, Miks, it was so special. And I was taking in every detail of you too. The shape of your eyes, the dark blue of them. The arc of your eyebrows, the little beak at the end of your top lip that is so kissable.The way your hair has lightened over the weeks, the way it's straight, with the ever slightest bit of curl. Your little pixie ears, your tiny fingernails. your strawberry chin. I just want to treasure every detail of you. I want to make sure that I never forget.

To quote Jim Croce:

If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that I'd like to do
Is to save every day
Till Eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you

If I could make days last forever
If words could make wishes come true
I'd save every day like a treasure and then,
Again, I would spend them with you

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
I've looked around enough to know
That you're the one I want to go
Through time with

If I had a box just for wishes
And dreams that had never come true
The box would be empty
Except for the memory
Of how they were answered by you

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
I've looked around enough to know
That you're the one I want to go
Through time with

PS. I am told that you look big in all these pics, Miks, so I thought I would take a pic of you and me together to show how little you still are.... and for the record, your mommy doesn't have a big head