Thursday, April 21, 2011

Days 349 - 350 How Do I love Thee? Let Me Count the Ways

How Do I Love thee? Let me count the ways
How do I love thee?  Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears, of all my life!
and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death.
-Elizabeth Barrett Browning

I read an article written on the T18 FB page. A little girl with T18 who died when she was 14 months old. I can't tell you how it hurts. You're nearly there! It just hits home when I read things like that. I think sometimes I live in dream world... it seems like you'll just be around forever. Like all of us. And then I read the reality of your condition. And it hurts me.

I took you for your one year check up today. Went to another pediatrician, as mine was away. He said you were the oldest T18 baby he had ever seen, and he was surprised at how "healthy" you were. And he is not wet behind the ears either... so that was quite a thing to hear!

Although mostly I think we live in blissful ignorance of your diagnosis and prognosis.... sometimes it consumes me with what "tomorrow" holds. What will it be like? What will happen? How? When? What? (Depressing, I know). The pediatrician said something (and meant it in the nicest way): "when we're expecting things to happen, they won't... but when we least expect things, this is when they happen"... kind of a murphy's law theory, I suppose!!

And I was sitting thinking about you, and Elizabeth Barrett Browning's sonnet came to mind... and yet, how can I count the ways I love you? With every hard moment, with every ache and pain that we have dealt with over the last year, there is this deep deep love that I have for you. I love you, not only DESPITE your disability, but sometimes even BECAUSE of it.

My little soldier girl. How do I love you... let me count the ways....


  1. Hi Ta

    Just looooooooooooooove your post. Espcially the DESPITE and BECAUSE part. You are awesome !!!