So, we're nearly there. Well, you are... nearly 365 days. 12 months. 1 year. Never. ever. ever. Did I think we'd get there. Not terribly optimistic, your mother?! But you showed me, didn't you, Miks?! Mind you, you often show me up. You know, like when we decided not to get so hysterical every time you had an apnea... so you stopped having them; and the time I decided to make sure I captured one of your "seizures" on camera so that I could show the doctor, so you stopped having them; and the time I decided I'd better get you on antibiotics, cos you kept getting a snotty nose... so you stopped that too! I'd ask you to stop showing me up, but, well, it always seems to be a good thing... so, I'll take one for the team, and be the stupid, over protective, over analytical, over zealous mother. At least I still get to be your mum. There's a bonus in that!
So we're on the countdown to your birthday. And your party. We're having a "Minnie Mickey" party... har-dee-har.. do you get it? I bought you a cute little outfit today with Minnie Mouse on the front... and well, you're also still mini... and we call you mouse... oh, you get it!! I even have Mickey ears... ha ha!
Where does the time go?
I am also counting down. 1 week, 1 day til delivery. C-section. So date is decided. And you know what? I am decidedly terrified. I am sure everything is fine... but then everything was supposed to be fine with you, and what a shock that turned out to be.
You know, when you were born, your grampa wrote a poem for you. I have always meant to post it on your blog, but never seemed to get around to it (I had to send it from one computer to the other, and always forgot... and well, just never did). I thought I would post it now. How amazing how you have fought despite us all:
Mikayla I am
I came into this world a surprise of tears
Everyone downcast I could sense your fears
But what of me; I live, I breath
I’m free; I’m free; please like me; love me
Live for me
Long whispers; the burning light
My body aches my nerves are tight
But my beautiful mom and brave dad are near
They hold; I’m safe; I cry; I smile
Stay for a while
Deep down in my body things are not right
Trisomy 18: everyone repels in fright
Yes I’m down but I live
I fight; I frown; I grip; I grin
Loving me is not a sin
Luke and Josh I sense your presence
I feel your love; your robust joys; your very essence
My family across the sea
Be there; be there for me
I want to live I want to be
There you go again gramps: all tears and bluff
Two gracious grannies; softly composed from sterner stuff
Show some style; some joie de vivre
Come friends come families too
I just want to be like you
I fight on but soon grow tired
My body aches there’s nowhere to hide
But hey I’m back; I fight; I fume
Give me some room
Please change this senseless tune
Don’t cry for me when I am gone
My name’s Mikayla ‐ an injured bird a shortened song
We’ll meet again, I’ll wait for you
I am each day; a golden sun
See blue; see green; remember fun
Remember me – I love you all
You nurtured me: I was too small
Soon soon we’ll meet again
Remember me: time is so fast
I’m now; I’m here; I’m not the past.
Am having so many braxton hicks, it's actually insane. And am terribly uncomfortable. You've been ok. You had this funny snotty nose, and I think it may be some kind of allergy- perhaps a type of hayfever? The minute it flares up, we give you Allecet, which works a charm. But it makes you drowsy... and I only realized this after I had dosed you with Allecet, and Mucospect (for the mucous), and you practically slept the whole day... and on my birthday too (which in some ways was nice cos I had a relaxing day as a result... thank you darling- but sorry about the heavy dose! Won't do it again!)
Had a random thought, which is that "if you love people [FIRST], then they will love you". Funny how I spent so many of my earlier years looking for love... and it seemed to elude me... but when I CHOSE to start loving others FIRST, how much love I have seen as a result. But ONLY when I make the first choice.
And my goodness, how much you have taught me! Love being one. That real love isn't about self. It isn't about what OTHERS can do for ME. It's about how you respond to others, and how you treat others. I have seen that time and time again. It's been humbling. I have learnt much about who I am... but more and more I am learning about who I WANT TO BE. Maybe I will share that one day.
5 more days. I think I am going to have to stop counting days, Miks. Already I have muddled the number of days somewhere.... Can't wait to share your first birthday! Tea and cakes for my little princess. Gave you some Milo in your mouth today... you weren't impressed. More of a fruit girl than a chocolate girl... well, for now anyway!