Gosh! Time really flies when there's another baby in the house! How has it been 10 days already!?
Jude is settling in well, Miks.... you're still somewhat fascinated when we place him near you, otherwise pretty uninterested, I suppose. His noise doesn't seem to bother you, nor does your noise seem to bother him. So it's working well having you share a room- perhaps you both know that you have company, and quite enjoy it?
You haven't been well. Last Tuesday you started sweating again. You weren't eating well. Still the norm though: in that no temperatures or anything! So, as I said in my last post, we had you on antibiotics. In the past you have always responded quite well to antibiotics, in that all your "symptoms" have normally subsided within 24 hours or so. Not this time. You're still on and off with the sweating- one day you're quite content, and we think you're better, and the next you're sweating, not eating, and all round unhappy. The worst part is that the last few nights you have started waking during the night- and getting up for two babies is NOT fun (I have developed a serious new found admiration for parents of twins. I always used to say that having twins must rock... particularly for someone like me, cos I just hate being pregnant... well, I will say that I unequivocally remove all previous comments stating that having twins is the way to go... it's SERIOUSLY hard work! Rock on one baby at a time!!).
So we're a pretty tired household. Your poor Dad... I just sometimes cannot get out of bed, and so he'll sort you out with a feed... but then he's tired, and he has a business to run! Your brother has been completely angelic. Newborns! Easy peasy (and going to change... don't worry, I am under no illusions!).
Last night we ended up giving you Panado to get you to sleep- because you were just so unhappy. But then a few hours later you were awake again, and we had exhausted all options- so I really couldn't think how to get you down again... so I gave you teething gel... and it worked! SO maybe you're teething? (It must be said: I can neither see nor feel any teeth... but at this stage we're clutching at straws! And it might not even have been the gel that "worked"... goodness... who knows?!)
The one thing that keeps striking me, now watching Jude, and how a newborn, and having a new baby in the house is: and it's really dawning on me how difficult things were with you. Particularly in the beginning. And we didn't have any help. It actually makes me sad in a way: we ploughed through those early days- just your Dad and I. I spent all my time working... and maybe that distraction was good in a way- but I am sad at the realization that it was, in some ways, quite a lonely journey right in the beginning. And I dedicated my time to other people and things. In part to try and lessen the pain... but with the advantage of hindsight- perhaps it would have been nice to have had someone ease some of that burden for us (gosh, that sounds so selfish, doesn't it?).
I guess it's a silly thing really to wish for- I mean, the reality is that by starting my blog, which was only ever a platform for me to offload some of my pain- a diary or personal journal, really- that in time I found a wonderful network of people who understood my pain, and this unusual, and often frustrating journey we were on.. people who reached out to me- sometimes a stranger- and made me feel loved, and not alone. For a season, my blog and all the wonderful friends it gave me, became my lifeline. To all of you: there are not enough thank you's.
It all sounds so selfish, but I guess the thing that has stood out, is the discrepancy of bringing you home, and bringing Jude home. How we responded to each. How others responded to each. And this is going to sounds really trite, but it's one of the reasons that I am grateful that you have done better than the odds predict- because I can now enjoy you- where I think in your early days, I just wanted to run away from it all some days. So, although hard at the moment, because I spend so much time with Jude feeding etc, I do get to spend time with you, my sweet little girl.
She looks so beautiful!
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